Miles 1-20: Blind Optimism1 of 6
You've spent weeks planning this, and it's finally here! You're excited about your route, your gear, and your snacks. You've got a killer playlist and you're ready to conquer the road!
Here we go, totally focused, totally prepared. I got this!
Oh, crap. I forgot my shoes / jersey / helmet / snacks.
Take two! Just me and the open road for the next 100 miles. What a beautiful day!
$hit! Where did that chipmunk come from?
Phew. It's hot out. I wonder how far I've gone.
Shut up, Garmin.
Okay, 20 miles in. I'm flying, I've totally got this. Cue the Taylor Swift.
Miles 21-40: Hunger. So Much Hunger2 of 6
Your body realizes this isn't a ride around the block, which causes your stomach to switch into what feels like emergency starvation mode. Even the most disgusting, stale, crumbled energy bar begins to make your mouth water.
Seriously, hill? Seriously??
I should have a snack.
I should have another snack.
Why am I out of snacks?
Miles 41-65: Reality Hits3 of 6
You find yourself swinging wildly between hunger, apathy, anger and joy. You become easily distracted and begin to doubt your own sanity.
I DON'T WANT TO SHAKE IT OFF, TAYLOR SWIFT!
Mile 50. So just do all that again, right? Sure, no problem.
Is that a gas station? I've totally earned a frozen Snickers.
Sweet nectar! Frozen Snickers are all I need to live!
I'm in hell. All you people in your cars, with your air conditioning... You have no idea how lucky you are.
Second wind! Cars are for squares!
I haven't seen that turn. Dear god, I hope I'm not off-route.
Miles 66-75: Full Collapse4 of 6
You knew it was coming, and now it is here. This is the nadir of the ride, possibly your life. You question all of the choices that led you to this point.
Not a second wind; just a tailwind. If I have to turn back to find that turn I'm calling for help.
Ice cream was the. Worst. Possible. Choice.
Maybe my cleats are on wrong. Maybe they've always been wrong! I knew I should have done that bike fit.
I was crazy to think I could do this.
I hate my gloves/jersey/helmet/socks/bike. I hate that tree. I hate everything.
Miles 76-100: Redemption5 of 6
If you can push through the collapse, the next phase makes it all worthwhile. We promise.
Phew, there's that turn. I'm pretty much like Lewis and Clark. On a bike.
Okay, I wasn't off-route: I'm just really slow.
But it doesn't matter because this road is beautiful and I am a machine!
Sweet, sweet descent. I love speed. This bike is magic.
I knew YOU were trouble when you walked in, Taylor.
Mile 99.8. I've practically crossed half the state!
Did this driveway get steeper? Seriously, who makes driveways like this?
Century schmentury, I am a cycling god. I can ride anything, anywhere! (Now, snacks...)